...moving on or life in cartoon motion...

I think I will forever be engaged in the pursuit of a better me. Even when this life is done, wherever it is that my spirit and soul will venture, I believe that I will always be searching for answers. There are so many questions, so many things we do not know for sure; our totality of knowledge is woefully incomplete to appease such a soul as mine. I am therefore not content to bind my definition of life to only this existence. I will dream fondly of what was, expectantly of what is and hopefully of what can be. I will create my world as best as I can, I will allow only those external influences that I wish, I will influence that which I can to the best of my ability. I will approach life with one guiding principle;

"I will be true first and foremost to myself and that which I believe to be right and proper, I will seek the betterment of the lives of my friends, family and my fellow human being to the best of my ability, I will hold no ill will against any man without justification. I will never resort to violence except in the just defence of another human life. I will seek knowledge to refine, experience to define and the little things to divine. I will move on, even from the greatest tragedies, I will always move forward in search of wisdom. I will give away as much of myself as is humanly possible, I will love, I will embrace, I will sing and dance, I will kiss, goodnight and one day goodbye. I will do what I must and in all this, I will always be me."

I believe that to truly experience life, you must go out there, you must be willing to let go of yourself and all that you fear to lose. You must be willing to experience other people's emotions as much as possible, to sit and share experiences and dreams. I think that the more people you truly know, the better your world and human experience.

It is a concept that is faced with the fundamental human flaw, our belief that we are inherently selfish. I do not dispute the fact that biologically speaking, we are all animals yet we do not esteem ourselves so. We believe that we have somehow attained a level of consciousness that sets us apart from all other life on this earth, that we are blessed with an inherent dignity that cannot be violated by anything physical except our actions, that we are more than the base instincts written in our DNA. How we come to be like this, we do not know for sure. Some will say that it is divine providence but I think that because we have always felt different from all other life on this earth, we came up with that idea to satisfy that part of ourselves that would otherwise not make peace with our existence. I think that the idea of adherence to an unchanging religion is outdated, that we are ready to know more about life on our own terms. I think that it will perhaps take another hundred years or so but one day we will all be rid of that idea and perhaps the one that takes its place will hold true for thousands of years to come.

I believe that the idea of the individual, his or her liberty and the enjoyment thereof will live on long after we are gone. It is not new, this idea, it was planted long ago, perhaps even before some of these other ideas we hold so dear but it has so far been best defined for me by an Englishman named John Stuart Mill and his wife Harriet. In "On Liberty", their collective gift to posterity, they put forth a passionate and intellectual argument in the defence of the idea that;

"...the sole end for which mankind are warranted, individually or collectively, in interfering with the liberty of action of any of their number is self protection. That the only purpose for which power can be exercised over any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others. His own good, either physical or moral, is not a sufficient warrant. He cannot rightfully be compelled to do or forbear because it will be better for him to do so, because it will make him happier, because, in the opinion of others, to do so would be wise or even right. These are good reasons for remonstrating with him, or reasoning with him, or persuading him, or entreating him, but not for compelling him or visiting him with any evil in case he do otherwise. To justify that, the conduct from which it is desired to deter him must be calculated to produce evil to someone else. The only part of the conduct of anyone for which he is amenable to society is that which concerns others. In the part which merely concerns himself, his independence is, of right, absolute. Over himself, over his own body and mind, the individual is sovereign."

This idea has taken root in the world, it is yet to truly blossom but when it does, mankind will know an age like no other. I wish I could be there to truly experience it but I can imagine it will be something else.

I like to think that every human interaction I have is an opportunity to understand better, to seek another point of view. I try as much as I can to understand why people do the things they do, I put myself in their shoes and try to imagine whether I would act the same way or differently. I believe that every person that comes into my life has the potential of making me a better person and I in turn can have a positive impact on them. I am bound to trust implicitly my fellow human being without question until given reason to do otherwise, it is a risky approach to human interaction in this day and age but I feel it is the best way for me to live. Trust and respect are earned by words and most importantly deeds, they can never be bought with material things or threats of punishment.

My mother subscribed to the idea that a child could be reasoned with and made to understand the consequences of their actions and choices, she didn't spare the rod entirely but always tried to make me understand why I was being punished. One day instead of making my way to school, I opted for a carefree day in an open field near my cousin's school, Nakasero Primary School. I was in primary five and I was avoiding corporal punishment at school for not having done homework, I spent a glorious day in a green field, playing and reading comics. Unfortunately while I was enjoying this short spell of truancy, I met an uncle who asked me what I was doing so far from school. I have never been a good liar and I knew the moment I started spinning some story about sports, I was doomed. He sped off and as his car disappeared into the distance, I knew I was in for a rough evening so I settled down and enjoyed the rest of the day. When I got home that evening, my mother was patiently waiting for an explanation. She lulled me into a false sense of security by not saying a word about it until I had finished my tea and then she asked me how school had been that day. I set about explaining how Buganda Road Primary School had had a joint sports event with Nakasero, how I had spent most of the day there and how I had run into uncle Benon at some point. I had tried to construct as believable a lie as possible but there were too many gaping holes in it. My cousin for one would not be party to this, I was convinced that his cooperation with me on this matter would quickly settle everything as my mother wouldn't need to investigate any further if he gave favourable testimony, I promised to be eternally indebted to him if he pulled this off. My mother however was not easy to lie to, she had that discerning look that made you volunteer any information you had willingly and when she questioned my cousin, I knew the jig was up so I confessed. It was the worst beating I had ever received from my mother; I wasn't even interested in the "Do you know why I am doing this?" session of the events, I was more interested in getting out alive. I remember there was a wire and a lot of whipping involved; needless to say, I resorted to more creative ways of dodging school, like faking mysterious illnesses that involved skipped heartbeats. Even a few lashes couldn't make homework any more interesting.

Tales of uncle Warren's disciplinarian attitude were known to me long before I went to live with him, I had been told that he was not one to entertain dissent and that his home was run like an army. It wasn't quite like that. Most parents it seems develop a sort of tag team when it comes to raising children; one of them is ever-present, gentle and never threatens punishment directly while the other is a little more distant and will mete out physical and emotional punishment when necessary. Aunt Jennifer, Warren's wife, had two daughters and two step sons so when my brothers and I went to live with them for a while, she ended up with five boys from three different mothers in her household. I can't imagine it being easy for her to deal with such a situation, inevitably one of the boys always ended up facing the "grand inquiry". To my surprise, I found that uncle Warren was a rather reasonable man, he pretty much lay down the law but he made you understand why it was important for you to follow it to the letter. He gave you a chance to explain yourself and then tried to get you to see his way of thinking as well. My sessions with him were the closest discussions I ever had with a father figure in my childhood and it made an impression on me. He treated me with respect and invited me to explain myself to him whenever I ended up in front of him for one reason or another. He made me feel that I mattered, he explained why it was important that I do well in school, why he thought I had the mind to succeed in life and why I should always strive to excel. One night in 1994 I stayed up to watch the world cup, it was being held in the US so it always showed in the wee hours of the morning. He woke up and found me waiting for one of the games, dozing off every now and then, then he brewed two cups of coffee and we sat down and waited. I imagined that this was what intimate father and son moments were like. I have since forgotten the game, its result and the contents of our conversation but I still remember how I felt. I spent a year and a half in uncle Warren's home before I had to go and live with his elder brother, uncle Godfrey.

...to be continued.